So last month I went to MerPalooza in Tampa, which I really should have posted about already and where, among many other things, I got to serve as one of the judges of the poolside mermaid pageant run by Stephanie Sims and hosted by Weeki Wachee mermaid Kylee Troche. Please do not be too jealous. A slew of charming merbabies (ok, one merbaby) and mer girls and full-grown mermaids walked or were pushed on office chairs or were carried by strapping men in front of our judge’s table, many of them in dazzling tails they’d crafted themselves (unless they were in tails from the Mertailor, who had a massive display with mermaids lounging all around it, and/or from any of the other tail makers on hand). Amongst all this feminine glamour and shimmer were three brave mermen competing for the title of Mer King. I think that’s what they were competing for, anyway. All I know is that when I saw one ChristoMer Starfish in his sparkling blue pants and body paint, carrying his trident and being full-on oceanic, I felt there was a clear, undisputed winner. Not every guy can put on glitterpants and look like an underwater king.